His name casually comes up in the conversation during dinner and there’s a gentle tug in your chest. He has started seeing someone, his friend says. A sharp tug, it almost hurts. You pretend you care more in the oyster you are eating, when in truth, you have lost your appetite. There’s your answer to your weeks of wondering.
None of these people around you knew what almost took place in the past months – the late night conversations that survived the time difference, letting you into bits and pieces of his life and you, sharing your trauma because you thought it would be different this time, that this could actually go somewhere. Skipped the closure from last time and jumped to a second chance, you thought. Silly girl. And now, you’re actually thankful none of your friends knew how you spent months in a beautiful country wanting to just stay at home and talk to the guy who broke her heart years ago, hoping he’d mend it this time.
But he’s disappeared on you, just weeks before you come back home. No reason, no explanation. Just poof, one day, he’s gone. You tried reaching out, came up with all these explanations why the conversations suddenly stopped. He replies, and it feels like everything in the past months were all made up in your head. Like it never happened at all. And you have no one to blame but yourself for trusting the same guy who never thought twice in breaking your heart.
You have no one else to talk to because you know the I told you so’s will come and no one will ever understand why you let yourself go through the same heartbreak all over again.
So for the rest of the night, you force laughter and fake interest in catching up with friends. You have your answer and it’s still not enough to stop the aching that comes in missing him.