things I’ve finally accepted

i.  You loved me, despite my flaws and mood storms, in all ways I needed
.
ii.  But forever ends when one gives up while the other still fights
.
iii. You’re never coming back, even just as a friend
.
iv. I probably will never going to open up to anyone as much as I did to you, probably will never love as easily as did with you
.
v. You’re happier with her
.
vi. Time can’t heal all wounds, but it will heal you enough to move forward
.
vii. You will always be the ghost that will haunt me when new lovers come along, the one I will compare everyone to
.
viii. I will miss you, on days I am happy, on days I am lonely, and on days when I do nothing at all
.
ix. I am free without you
.
x. A small part of me will always belong to you
things I’ve finally accepted
I had pushed him away many times,
screamed ‘I don’t feel anything so just leave’
until tears fall from those hopeful eyes.
.
But his response was always the same –
“I love you. And I refuse to believe that you are this empty shell incapable of emotions. Because I know that you are in there somewhere, bursting of love and longing. And I won’t give up. Until the day you open up yourself again, I will stay.”
“Don’t wait for me anymore,” I said,
extinguishing all traces of hope for the future, of us.
.
“Why?”
One word, a thousand emotions.
Grief, hopelessness, fear.
.
I almost took my words back. Almost.
.
“Just don’t,” I hung up.
And the tears started falling.
“How did you do it?” she asked.
.
“As cliche as it sounds, I left it to time to mend what was broken in me. Getting drunk, going out every night, kissing strangers – they were all temporary fixes, and I realised, will never be enough to fill in the hole left by the person I thought was the love of my life. It had to come from within me,” I paused.
.
“He was, and still is, the only person who I can strip off naked to, without a moment of hesitation – physically, emotionally and mentally. I had no need of building walls with him or having to think twice before saying something. All my insecurities ceased to exist when I was with him. And the only way to let go of all that was to completely accept that he could no longer be that person for me and to cling on to the hope that the love of my life is yet to come knocking on my door one day.”
“Why does my chest feel so heavy?” I ask.
.
“It’s because you carry all the weight of everyone who has hurt you. Let some, if not everything, go.”